WHEN YOUR MARRIAGE NEEDS HELP!
A HEALTHY MARRIAGE (according to counselor/author Leslie Vernick) is MUTUALLY honest, MUTUALLY respectful, and MUTUALLY caring. You need all 3 for your marriage to be healthy. If just ONE is missing, you have a UNHEALTHY marriage. With that thought in mind….please read on:
We get questions each week from folks who have deeper “hard marriage issues” than we can handle. We are not certified counselors and want to make sure you get the help you need from those trained to help. Those who have “soft marriage issues” will possibly benefit from mentoring. Please read below to find the help you need:
HARD MARRIAGE ISSUES often need COUNSELING (and often one is interested in help but not the other):
- Abuse – emotional, physical, verbal
- Addictions – Sexual, drugs, alcohol, etc.
- Lack of intimacy – sexually
Books Related to Overcoming the Addiction to Pornography:
For helpful interent safeguards, try :
Healing the Wounds of Sexual Addiction by Mark Laaser
At the Altar of Sexual Idolatry by Steve Gallagher
Hope after Betrayal – Healing When Sexual Addiction Invades Your Marriage by Meg Wilson
When Your Husband is Addicted to Pornography by Vicki Tiede
If you’ve decided you have hard marriage issues, then here is help for you to find a counselor to help you.
1 Find a counselor who is a MARRIAGE COUNSELOR. Ask others where they’ve had success. Be sure the counselor can handle the topic with which you are dealing – interview them. Tell them your main issues and seek someone who can speak to these issues. Being specific helps them to know where to send you. Otherwise, you risk of not being able to get to the root of the problem for a long time. Don’t waste time and money. SEARCH to find a good fit.
2. Call Focus on the Family (in Colorado Springs but they have a list of names of potential counselors in your area.) 1-800 232-6459
3. Call the AMMFT (American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists) in your area. They are clinical members and are additionally supervised with hours post graduate. http://www.aamft.org/iMIS15/AAMFT/
4. Christian Counseling Association (Google this title and find a location near you.)
5. A counseling and care line: 1-800-232-6459 - Email: Help@OnTheFamily.com
ANY COUNSELOR WHO TELLS YOU AFTER 3 VISITS THAT YOU SHOULD DIVORCE IS NOT WORTH GOING TO. FIND SOMEONE WHO WANTS YOUR MARRIAGE TO WORK AND WILL DO THE WORK WITH YOU TO MAKE IT FOR THE LONG HAUL!
REMEMBER:The longer you wait the more isolated you’ll become. Don’t wait. Divorce is NOT the only option.
SOFT MARRIAGE ISSUES often need MENTORING:
Mentoring can happen when BOTH spouses want to move forward and who are BOTH making progress in a forward direction and whose issues are more in line with what we call “soft marriage issues,” like learning to communicate better, rather than the deeper issues just mentioned.
FamilyLife Mentoring resource: http://www.familylife.com/ementoring
GETTING STARTED ON YOUR OWN:
FOR DAILY ENCOURAGEMENT in a word or two: https://www.facebook.com/MyMarriageMatters – click on this link and then click LIKE
MARRIAGE GET-A-WAY – FIND A CITY YOU CAN ATTEND: www.familylife.com – FAMILYLIFE WEEKEND TO REMEMBER GET A WAY. You’ll get SO MUCH from this weekend and will save yourself a lot of money on counseling. THEN, if after this weekend (having not missed any sessions….) if you still want to get counseling, you can be more specific about the issues on which you need to work. Here is a discount code: DMDONOVAN (If for some reason it doesn’t go through, call 1-800-FLTODAY and ask for DAN DONOVAN who’ll get you the discount.)
THEN: Whether or not your spouse wants help, you can get the help YOU need. Here are a few links for (hopefully) both of you to check out:
http://www.focusonthefamily.com/radio.aspx (Responding well in marital conflict – Leslie Vernick – 2 parts – both were great!)
http://www.moodyradio.org/middayconnection.aspx (Drama Proofing your Life – 6 amazing downloads – On Midday Connection with Ray Kane.)
http://www.leslievernick.com (Check out all resources, blogs, etc.)
Female Sexual Dysfunction: http://www.freedomsteps.org/ (contact Kathy Cordell) - Kathy coaches to all areas of growth in a woman’s life with primary strengths in the healing of vaginismus, sexual intimacy issues, relational growth, marriage and spiritual depth. She provides a safe place for a woman to share the deepest places of her soul. Kathy’s hope is that every woman who seeks intimacy in her relationships will find deeper intimacy with the Lord.