{"id":1671,"date":"2014-12-30T11:31:46","date_gmt":"2014-12-30T16:31:46","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/cindiferrini.com\/?p=1671"},"modified":"2014-12-30T11:31:46","modified_gmt":"2014-12-30T16:31:46","slug":"what-we-take-after-our-parents-die-none-of-the-stuff-matters","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/cindiferrini.com\/index.php\/2014\/12\/30\/what-we-take-after-our-parents-die-none-of-the-stuff-matters\/","title":{"rendered":"What We \u201cTake\u201d After our Parents Die \u2013 None of the STUFF Matters"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"10424238_854116497943553_3126671336841149532_n\"<\/a><\/p>\n

As a little girl I remember RIBBON CANDY setting on a corner table at Christmas. It was Grandpa\u2019s table; not fancy table; not really great of wood, but I remember viewing it at eye level and admiring the candy. It wasn\u2019t just the candy. It was the people. I remember the kitchen being busy with that ladies cooking and as a little girl getting<\/em> to help \u201cdry\u201d dishes. I remember all the laughter and conversation. I remember eyeing that ribbon candy and being so excited when Grandpa offered a piece of it to me. It didn\u2019t taste as pretty as it looked\u2026.but I loved it! Year after year until my grandfather\u2019s death, there was ribbon candy on that table at Christmas\u2026.and it eventually the table wound up in a corner of the dining room of my own parents home. Each time I saw it, I saw the ribbon candy\u2026..in my mind.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve watched many families implode after the death of one or both parents \u2013 and not because of how much they miss them or the grief that overtakes them. Kids want the goods and the money, and will often fight each other for it to the point of destructing what\u2019s left of the family unit. (This happens in divorce, too, even though they \u201cthink\u201d it\u2019s going to be amiable.)<\/p>\n

My parents died 5 days apart from each other 13 years ago just before Thanksgiving – seems like only yesterday. Mom, the well one died of a massive heart attack ending the 6+ years of caring for my dad with Alzheimer\u2019s. He was already fading fast and died 5 days later, shocking us once again within a week!<\/p>\n

My sister who had lived with my folks all those years sat my other sister and me down to discuss what we wanted. Honestly, the thought hadn\u2019t crossed my mind \u2013 I figured it was all hers. Where most stories turn to the \u201cI WANT THIS\u201d with bitterness and raging, we actually sat down and discussed it. She was to re-decorate to her tastes, and wanted us to \u201ctake\u201d the things we might like for ourselves.<\/p>\n

I thought about all the furniture, jewelry, and household trinkets, but it was the memories of laughter and fun that really came to my mind, and the memory of that table. I pointed to it, \u201cAnd if you don\u2019t want that table in the corner \u2013 I\u2019d love it\u2026.but it\u2019s not something I have<\/em> to have.\u201d<\/p>\n

Without evening knowing the \u201cwhy\u201d of wanting that table, my sister soon delivered the table. It was then, that I unfolded the story of the ribbon candy to her. I now grace the table with ribbon candy at Christmas. Sometimes no one eats the candy and I have to through it out, but I never discard the memories.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The memories are the relationships; somehow memories translate to \u201cthings\u201d but we can\u2019t let things override relationships. When marriages fail or when people die, none of the STUFF matters in the same way anymore. It\u2019s the memories\u2026.and I\u2019d rather enjoy the old table in the corner of anyone\u2019s house than even my own if I had to exchange bad memories of nasty words and bitterness because I had to fight for it. I\u2019d rather fight for strong healthy relationships; I\u2019d rather have my folks than that table; but I\u2019m grateful for all they gave me in memories over the years, and for the little table that now reminds me of them and Christmases and holidays we all spent together.<\/p>\n

I hope we’ll all find one fond memory from this year that we can take with us into the New Year to enjoy in all the years to come!<\/p>\n

HAPPY NEW YEAR!<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

As a little girl I remember RIBBON CANDY setting on a corner table at Christmas. It was Grandpa\u2019s table; not fancy table; not really great of wood, but I remember viewing it at eye level and admiring the candy. It wasn\u2019t just the candy. It was the people. I remember the kitchen being busy with […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[23,29,39,85,87,122],"class_list":["post-1671","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-candy","tag-christmas","tag-death","tag-memories","tag-new-year","tag-stuff"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/cindiferrini.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1671","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/cindiferrini.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/cindiferrini.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cindiferrini.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cindiferrini.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1671"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/cindiferrini.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1671\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/cindiferrini.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1671"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cindiferrini.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1671"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cindiferrini.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1671"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}