{"id":673,"date":"2013-11-06T23:38:38","date_gmt":"2013-11-07T04:38:38","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/cindiferrini.com\/?p=673"},"modified":"2013-11-06T23:38:38","modified_gmt":"2013-11-07T04:38:38","slug":"were-all-experts-of-sorts","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/cindiferrini.com\/index.php\/2013\/11\/06\/were-all-experts-of-sorts\/","title":{"rendered":"We\u2019re all Experts of Sorts"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><strong>Previously Posted\/Newly Updated for THIS our NEW website\/blog<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><strong><span style=\"color: #0000ff;\">Reading time @ 5 minutes<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>We\u2019re all experts of sorts.\u00a0Each of us is given <em><b>something<\/b><\/em> in life that challenges, stretches and stresses us and will eventually qualify us as some sort of\u00a0expert. If you\u2019re like me, whatever that area is, it\u2019s <em><b>not<\/b><\/em> the area you\u2019d have chosen to become the expert.<\/p>\n<p>I <em><b>never <\/b><\/em>thought \u201cthis\u201d would be my life, never knew anyone to ask for \u201cthis\u201d, wouldn\u2019t have voluntarily been in line for it, and\u00a0I\u2019ve never known\u00a0anyone to say they hope their child would have it, either. But somewhere in the lot of life \u2013 some 1\/4 of our population \u2013 has been given this challenge and as a result, have become somewhat of an expert.<\/p>\n<p>The challenge? Raising a child\u00a0and\/or caring full time for someone with special needs. The bigger obstacle \u2013 helping others understand!<\/p>\n<p>What makes caring for our son <em>our<\/em> ultimate challenge, is that it continues every day, every moment, with no vacation from the 24\/7 responsibility we\u2019ve been given. While we\u2019ve been weary, exhausted, frustrated, overwhelmed, and disappointed,\u00a0there is another side to this story. We\u2019ve lived to share about it! Our son Joey is a great gift and amazing blessing \u2013 but he came to us with things we knew nothing about: mental retardation, cerebral palsy, epilepsy, and many severe food allergies that could be fatal.<\/p>\n<p>Because we were on a big learning curve, we appreciated advice \u2013 taking from others what worked and leaving the rest.\u00a0Others didn\u2019t need to know if\u00a0we tried it or not.\u00a0We\u2019d listen, say, \u201cthank you\u201d (for advice we might try)\u00a0or \u201cthat\u2019s interesting\u201d\u00a0(for advice\u00a0we needed to really think about)!<\/p>\n<p>Having had the opportunity to hear a lot of \u201cexpert\u201d advice over the 29 years of raising my son, here are some things I\u2019d like to offer as my own \u201cexpert\u201d advice to the many wonderful people\u00a0who will come in contact with a special needs person and\/or their family\u00a0at some time in their lives:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Think twice before offering or\u00a0suggesting a\u00a0miracle cure to parents or caregivers \u2013\u00a0they\u2019ve heard most everything (and probably investigated it). It can be frustrating trying to explain that it won\u2019t work in our case.<\/li>\n<li>Refrain from telling us how we should feel or what we should do unless you\u2019ve helped us more than a few days and actually know what you\u2019re talking about. (Most people who\u2019ve not cared for a special needs person 24\/7 have no idea what is involved. What makes us the \u201cexperts\u201d is that we make it look easy because we do it all the time\u2026..<em>all<\/em> the time\u2026..) Watching someone for an afternoon is a great and appreciated\u00a0break for a caregiver, but it\u2019s not the same as doing it all the time\u2026.<\/li>\n<li>Ask questions, offer help, show concern \u2013 before offering advice.<\/li>\n<li>If you can\u2019t understand the child (or adult), ask for help. THANK YOU for making the effort to speak with them!<\/li>\n<li>An individual with special needs\u00a0often says things we wish we could, but we\u2019d never get away with it\u2026.be patient with them.<\/li>\n<li>When waiting for a response to your comment or question, give them time to respond. Counting to 10\u00a0to yourself\u00a0before repeating your question or starting another thought pattern\u00a0allows them the needed time it takes for their brain to formulate thoughts. (Something, by the way,\u00a0many of us could learn from \u2013 and I still am!)<\/li>\n<li>Don\u2019t shout.\u00a0Deaf people won\u2019t hear us if we shout and a person who\u00a0is mentally slow won\u2019t understand us any better. Look to (and even ask) the caregiver for clues if you\u2019re not sure\u00a0how to respond.\u00a0Lowering the volume, speed, and tone is what\u00a0I\u2019d suggest, until you\u00a0get a feel for the situation.<\/li>\n<li>\u201cI feel like such a retard\u201d is not a positive comment\u00a0anyway you look at it. It\u2019s especially hurtful to those caring for someone who is. If you say it and catch yourself, a simple apology is better than saying nothing and moving on. While we\u2019ll pretend not to hear it\u00a0&#8211; we <em><b>did<\/b><\/em>.<\/li>\n<li>Using a word like <em><b>see<\/b><\/em> with a blind person, <em><b>hear<\/b><\/em> with a deaf person, or <em><b>walk <\/b><\/em>or <em><b>run <\/b><\/em>with someone in a wheelchair is usually not something to worry about if you are using it in general conversation. EXAMPLE:\u00a0Saying,\u00a0\u201dI see\u201d for \u201cI understand\u201d to a blind person is normal conversation. Saying\u00a0in frustration, \u201cDon\u2019t you <em><b>see<\/b><\/em>?\u201d\u00a0lacks sensitivity and compassion.<\/li>\n<li>Feel free to ask the person with special needs to repeat themselves. As the caregiver, I understand <em>most<\/em> of what my son is saying, but many people can\u2019t. If you can\u2019t find resolve, gently move to another subject without disregarding the individual. And if you need to end the conversation, politely say something like, \u201cIt was great visiting with you. I hope to see you again soon,\u201d rather than just walking away.<\/li>\n<li>Ask one question at a time and wait patiently for the answer. Count to 10 again. That rule is always helpful.<\/li>\n<li>When speaking to a deaf person who has an interpreter, make eye contact with the deaf person.<\/li>\n<li>When conversing with a blind person, don\u2019t \u201cmake friends\u201d with their Seeing Eye dog. Don\u2019t pet, offer a treat or otherwise distract the dog from the job for which it has been trained.<\/li>\n<li>If you\u2019re able to stoop down to face someone in a wheelchair, that\u2019s polite and helpful.<\/li>\n<li>Stay positive and pleasant.\u00a0It helps everyone in those awkward moments.<\/li>\n<li>Don\u2019t correct the person unless you are sure they understand what you are trying to say and \u201ccheck\u201d what your motivation is for doing so. Their thinking patterns and abilities don\u2019t always make sense to \u201coutsiders\u201d let alone their caregivers! We\u2019ve learned it\u2019s not about being <em><b>right<\/b><\/em> but about <em><b>hearing<\/b><\/em> the individual.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Perhaps today you\u2019ll meet a person with special needs for the first time. It will make their day if you use something you\u2019ve learned here. Share this with others so they can learn, as well. We all have to help each other\u2026..that\u2019s my advice, and I\u2019m stickin\u2019 to it!<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Previously Posted\/Newly Updated for THIS our NEW website\/blog Reading time @ 5 minutes &nbsp; We\u2019re all experts of sorts.\u00a0Each of us is given something in life that challenges, stretches and stresses us and will eventually qualify us as some sort of\u00a0expert. If you\u2019re like me, whatever that area is, it\u2019s not the area you\u2019d have [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-673","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/cindiferrini.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/673","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/cindiferrini.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/cindiferrini.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cindiferrini.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cindiferrini.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=673"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/cindiferrini.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/673\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/cindiferrini.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=673"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cindiferrini.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=673"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cindiferrini.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=673"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}